thoughts... and the last piece of an end

I don't know why but my blogging always comes back to adoption.  :) My little "In Quest of Light" blog hasn't really done much.  I have been largely uninspired and well, busy!  I do have a couple of ideas for this little space and I may begin working on them soon but I have a different post for today.
Today, when I cam home there was a flat envelope on our door step.  It was beat up and dirty.  When I picked it up, and saw the return address, I knew exactly what it was.  Our dossier... paperwork very lovingly and meticulously put together  7 years ago.  As I opened up the envelop and held the papers I have to admit it was a hard moment.  So much has happened, has healed, has numbed since I kissed the pages that held our pictures thinking then that the next time I saw those pictures, it would be in my child's hands.  When we withdrew from the adoption 2.5 years ago, we requested our dossier back.  I didn't really want all my personal info just hanging out in a random office of Colombia but as it never came back, sometimes I would dare to hope that maybe by some crazy happen chance, we would end up getting a referral.  But that never came and so 2 years later the dossier has come, full circle, back home and the adoption is a distant memory.  The Lord has blessed us and we are not childless but where we were once a whole family, now there is someone missing.  A loss that is tucked in my heart and will always accompany me.
In my life now, many people that are friends and part of my life don't know anything about our adoption or that we were once a waiting family.  It came up in conversation a few weeks back and just saying "we applied to adopt once" came out sounding very foreign and weird as if it were just a crazy dream, a distant memory with a very real scar.
I don't really know what to make of all of my emotions today.  They are not as strong as I thought they might be, but they are still haunting.  The adoption is finally closed.  There is no opportunity for false hope.  If feels sad.

Yellow

Oh I have neglected my I Heart Faces posts :) in light of the craziness that is the end of the school year. And in part because Sunday and Monday are just busy. I hope they go back to Monday & Tuesday! However how could I resist the yellow theme? It is my all time favorite color. I love this picture. Often when the kids take a picture together, B will give MB a guess for the camera. I guess he wants proof that he is nice to his sister! Anyway... at a beautiful St. Simon's wedding the kids got to get in the trolly that the wedding party was taking to the reception. I pulled out the camera and MB leaned over to kiss B before he could even move. It was too cute!

Check out the other great photos at

http://www.iheartfaces.com/2011/05/photo-contest-yellow/#more-5068

Slice of Life- I Heart Faces

I know the color isn't perfect and the picture is grainy but this is how I will remember these years. In January we got a big snow fall which is unusual for our area. We were stuck in our house for several days. After the 4th day, we braved the iced over roads with some friends to go to the Bounce House with the kids. It was a perfect morning.

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Anything but a face

On my son's 4th birthday, we took a walk up to the fire station. He was so mesmerized by the big engines that I stopped trying to take his picture with his face and instead captured this moment.

Click on the image for a bigger image.
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People's Choice- Best Face

One of my favorite shots of Maggie Brooke... ever! (Click on the image for full size view.)

Check out all the other wonderful faces at I Heart Faces!

My utmost...

Every time I go back to "My Utmost for His Highest" I am just amazed at the writings. If I tried to take the most meaningful quote from each day, I would end up quoting the entire daily devotion...

I Heart Faces- Winter Wonderland

This week's theme is Winter Wonderland. This moment was captured when my son was experience what I think will be his first memory of snow. :) Click on the to view the image larger.

Check out all the other wonderful pictures over at I Heart Faces!